Acceptance was the last song to be written in this series.
It was also the hardest one to write because I wanted to make sure that it didn’t convey “All is well. It’s over. Move on.” Acceptance isn’t about accepting whatever tragedy you lived through and becoming “ok” again.
Acceptance is acknowledging the painful parts of our stories and learning to live with grief as a friend.
“Grief is a friend and we talk in my head…”
For me, acceptance is the ongoing journey of coming to terms with loss being a part of my story. I spent so many years waiting for the day I’d feel “100%” and ya know what? I don’t think any human is ever 100%. What does “being 100%” even mean?
We live in a beautiful world but tragedy seems to be around the corner or in our face everyday. If you don’t believe that, just scroll through any social media platform or turn on the news. Life and death are always right next to each other, sometimes within inches. It’s impossible to separate the sad, tragic parts of life from the beautiful moments.
Both need a voice.
“My hope is still healing”
Of all the words in these 5 stages of grief songs, these are the ones that best represent how I’ve been processing the world around me lately. Learning how to hope again is a strange thing, and I think I’ll be learning for the rest of my life.
I’m one of those people who copes with my anxious thought patterns by making fun of myself. And while I can laugh it off, always assuming the worst will happen is absolutely exhausting. I wish I knew how to just turn that part of my brain off.
It’s hard for me to hope.
I hoped my mom would be okay and she wasn’t.
That one time it didn’t turn out okay. That one time mattered a whole lot and changed the way my 17 year old brain processed for the rest of my life.
So I'm still asking, “what if things don’t turn out okay?"
But then again… what if they do? What if all of the bad things I’m afraid of actually never happen?
Somehow, the latter is scarier to me than the former. I’ve told myself that by always assuming the worst, I’m always prepared. I will never be taken off guard. That’s the scariest thing for me - not seeing something coming. But the reality is, none of us know what’s coming at any given moment.
Acknowledging anxious thoughts but not giving into them is a delicate dance that I’m slowly learning. Most days it still feels like my mind is betraying me.
If you’re learning to hope again, you’re not alone.
I hope this song reminds you to keep going. To know as humans we are always in the process of learning and growing, and it’s not about arriving.