The first month or so after my mom died I didn’t feel anything. Denial.
I was a functional human, and I think it confused the people around me. I sang at her memorial service, and even shared memories of her in front of a couple hundred people. I laughed. I ate. I talked to anyone and everyone. It probably looked pretty strange.
Denial (she) was my friend for that time. She was the grace that allowed me to keep functioning and not fall apart at the seams immediately. She protected my heart and my mind by being a buffer between me and the shock of losing my mom. She was safe and absolutely what I needed for those first couple of months.
While often viewed negatively, Denial is really important to the grief process. She shields us from overwhelming emotions and prepares us to do the hard things that need to be done shortly following a loss.
Denial wasn’t the first song I wrote for this project. But the lyrics of the first verse and chorus were the first to come to me.
“Look where we are, we’ve made it far
The overgrowth is breaking apart
As we walk, as we run
Hold onto me, let’s chase the sun
Don’t look down now
Don’t look down”
I had never really thought about Denial as my friend, but she was. And I’ll always be thankful for her.
I wrote this song from the perspective of Denial. She’s personified as the friend who sees the war ensuing around you, and tells you to keep your eyes forward, taking one step at a time, and reminding you “You’re gonna make it”