My grief is magnified around the holidays.
This was our last Thanksgiving with my sweet mom. I was 16 and really into documenting everything, which now, I’m really glad I did. I would give anything and everything to be able to look over her shoulder again and watch her cook.
I’ve had a lot of conversations lately about holidays and what they bring up for different people. Even if you have a very functional family, something about holidays can still stir up some mess. And if you’re in the camp of having lost someone you love, you know that your normal grief is amplified times a million.
Don’t get me wrong, I still really love holidays. I just experience them differently after losing my mom. They really are bittersweet. I love the new traditions I’ve gotten to make with my husband and his family. I love getting to see my own family, even though when I look at them, I feel and see the gaping hole where my mom should be.
And while I don’t walk around sad all of November and December... I am very aware. Aware of my own sadness, and aware of the sadness I see around me.
This season of advent grows in significance for me with each passing year. While grief has become a permanent companion, I can’t help but be filled with hope knowing that the Messiah has come, and He will come again. I can grieve with hope and with the anticipation that while this life is fleeting, there is so much joy that will be mine on the other side.
If you are grieving this holiday season, talk about it!!! Find those friends who can sit in the sadness with you, and then drag you out to look at some Christmas lights. It’s important to honor our sorrow. But don’t miss out on embracing joy in the moments she comes knocking.
Also, please enjoy Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani in the background of this video 🤪 2007, y’all.