You’ve got your list of people
Who you think will get you high
You need that hit of ego
Just to get you by
Yeah you used me
But I’m not angry
They say revenge is sweet
But I know that’s not me
So I’ll just write this song
And let you sing along
La la la la, la la la la
Let you sing along
La la la la, la la la la
Let you sing along
I was innocent and young
And you let it go too far
A tongue worse than a gun
Your words a bullet through my heart
You can blame it on the demons
Or maybe on the way I said your name
I don’t care your reason
You’re the only one to blame
Listen to Still EP: iTunes, Amazon, Spotify
Grief Stage: Anger. Lots of anger.
I really struggled with including this song on the EP. Partly because I never write angry songs - well, actually I do, they just stay between me and my guitar - but mostly because I was afraid people would think that I was angry at my mom and misinterpret the point of the song. I can’t control how someone interprets my music, even if it wasn’t how I intended. So I hesitantly acknowledged that this song was an important part of my grief process that needed to be heard.
But to those who do read this, the anger is not towards my mom; it is a result of her not being here.
Walking through grief, I found myself very susceptible to toxic relationships. People that may have meant well, but in reality, did far more damage to the situation.
With that said, walking alongside a grieving person (especially a teenager) is no easy feat for anyone. Sometimes there is just no right thing to say.
I was innocent and young
And you let it go too far
A tongue worse than a gun
Your words a bullet through my heart
Oftentimes, I felt manipulated. I had expectations in relationships that were not met, and it crushed me.
They say revenge is sweet
But I know that’s not me
So I’ll just write this song
And let you sing along
Have you ever written a letter/email/text that was really emotional and expressed exactly how you “felt” in the moment? But then by the time you finished writing it, you decided not to send it? That writing process actually made you feel better even if you realized it never needed to be seen or heard by another person.
This song was written in raw, unfiltered anger without “resolving” it by the end of the song. For better or for worse, this song was therapeutic for me. It was my way of getting all of my anger out in the open so that I could start identifying the sources.
It has forced me to find the root of my anger. That’s where the real hard work is done - exploring how loss is causing anger. It is often convoluted and messy, but if left untouched it can wreak havoc on a person’s sanity and relationships with other people.
Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, and it’s good to have people you can express it to. But living in anger is never healthy; that’s resentment. This song was the first step towards not living in resentment.
Listen to Still EP: iTunes, Amazon, Spotify