Stages of Grief Music
This is a collection of 5 songs that represent the 5 Stages of Grief as penned by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
I wrote and produced these songs with my friend Steven Wilson who knew me when I lost my mother to breast cancer at the age of 17. Ten years later, and I’ve learned the importance of acknowledging the stages of grief manifesting themselves in my life. The stages are not a clean, linear pattern but an ever-changing lens through which I see the world.
David Kessler has written about the sixth stage of grief being finding meaning. Perhaps this music project is a way to share some of that meaning with the world. I hope these songs speak to all of those who have lost someone and give a better understanding of the experience to those who haven’t.
Songs for the 5 Stages of Grief
Denial
While often viewed negatively, Denial is really important to the grief process. She shields us from overwhelming emotions and prepares us to do the hard things that need to be done shortly following a loss.
Anger
Anger can feel like an out of body experience. This thought was really formative when writing the song. Anger can send me into a complete tailspin because I’m obsessing over all the things I’m afraid of, and instead of acknowledging the fear or sadness, I become angry. I wanted this song to communicate the battle that anger creates inside a person. The battle of identity. Who are you in your anger?
Bargaining
Most of my Bargaining has manifested in difficult conversations with myself and God. But I’ve realized over the years that it’s less about a bargain and more about trying to control the outcome of my life. If you haven't learned the hard way yet, trying to hold life together and control every single detail of what happens is exhausting. And surprise! It doesn’t work. The harder I tried to control, the more exhausted I became from spinning my wheels trying to be superwoman. It was wrecking me.
Depression
For the first couple of months after my mom died all I did was sit in my room and write melodies with my guitar. I’ve always loved how melodies can communicate so much before words are even present. The melody you hear in the verses of Depression is something I wrote during that time. It felt like such a special melody that I carried it around for 10 years before feeling like there were words that deserved it.
If you’ve ever struggled with depression, you know that some seasons you are going to struggle more than others. I’m learning what my triggers are and how I can be diligent about being aware of my circumstances and how my mind/body is responding.
Acceptance
Acceptance was the hardest song to write, because I wanted to make sure it didn’t convey “All is well. It’s over. Move on.” Acceptance isn’t about accepting whatever tragedy you lived through and becoming “ok” again. Acceptance is acknowledging the painful parts of our stories and learning to live with grief as a friend.